June and PRIDE 2011

June 2011 is a peculiar month. It began with marking the 30th year of HIV/AIDS being in our midst and will end with Pride Festivals and Parade in NYC, SF, NOLA, Minneapolis, Chi town, SEA, OKC, Wichita, and Harlem. The convergence of both markers in my in American life is queer (pun intended). The 4th Sunday of June is most often attributed to the Stonewall Protest/Riot, when a group of drag queens along with other same sex loving people launched the present day gay movement in the US. Pride became a celebration of an uprising, to be no longer subject to police brutality, being treated as an outcast or social pariah.

I recall attending NYC Pride in ‘94 when many in the LGBT community marked 25 years post Stonewall, and coinciding with the anniversary was the Gay Games. What struck me, as the march snaked through Mid-town --the mass of participants appeared like a walking Gap Ad. Most wore the uniform of khaki shorts, faded T’s, baseball caps and not surprisingly made up mainly of mainstream/dominant culture homosexuals and their friends. Though I walked with the Filipino contingent, made up largely of New Yorkers and their visitors, a handful in Drag; the absence of transvestites, transsexuals, Drag Queens and “fringe” members of the broader gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender community was noticeable. Most stark was the closing ceremony of the Games, held at Yankee Stadium, as attendees packed trains in the Subway ride to the Bronx, the irony of a ballpark filled with affluent white men did not escape me.

A few years later at Toronto Pride, I was less surprised and anticipated the majority of celebrants being members of the dominant culture/class. Canadians do not strike me as having a conflicted identity around privilege. Different in that encounter was how wide the range of self-expression that were being cultivated. Punks, walked with leather men, mixed with fairies, bears, and transvestites. Float contingents were gender mixed, as well as the pedestrian only areas off Church Street. I capped this trip with a 4th of July celebration with a friend’s family in Jamestown, NY. She and I ventured to Toronto, mainly not wanting to be in San Francisco for Pride festivities, and secondly visit with her parents for the American holiday.

Peculiar and mix are the sentiments I have about this month. Odd in having lived and worked in ground zero of the US side of the Global pandemic; yet still observing the integrative challenges of a movement largely defined by moneyed and powerful men; and perceiving race, class, gender, nationality, in an increasingly divided society will never cease to be the fly in the ointment. HIV and AIDS can be characterized as a disease of disparity.

Wondering aloud, if there is reason for Pride festivals? Do we celebrate our inordinate self-importance, achievements, and advantages when many others are denied their dignity? If however, we mark the 4th Sunday of this month as a community of people who value in ourselves and others self-respect and esteem, use it as building blocks towards a less divided nation, then I can see my mixed feelings as merely passing.

The color Orange

It's summer in our hemisphere.

The light of day lasts through 8:30 in the evening of late
Skies greyed by morning fog and auto fumes,
less an ocean breeze
blows it inland
Sunset drama play

The fruit orange
(Clementine, Mandarin, Tangerine, Satsumas, Kumquats, Tangelos, Bergamot, Oranges, Persimmon)
evoke eternal summer and signaling fall.

The flower orange
California poppy, Nasturtium, Sunflower, Asiatic Lilies
all-presence, gentle invaders
in our ecozone

Color of fall and harvest
pumpkins, gourds

Its combination of red's energy and the happiness of yellow,
the sun's color in our mind
signaling joy and balmy tropics.

Orange as a color
identified with visibility
safety
midpoint between yellow and red

Red-orange hot ember
conjures passion, pleasure and thirst for action.

Saffron robe and alms-giving.
Sacred dress for Hindus and Buddhist

Amber, burning stone
musky resin
preservative

Gold, precious metal
pliable at twenty-four,
ever present as fourteen,
gilded Vermeil.
©det
Do you have other associations to the color Orange?

Tips for the First Date

For a lighter read on these gray days in the Bay Area, thought to add tips as subject matter. As many of you know, back in the dating world, roaming and ranging.

Imbedded will be more than one tip in this blurb. Tip(s) for first time (again) daters.

Groom to your hoped for standard. It's time. Have you noticed the secondary gender/sex characteristics making its appearance? Hair where none grew before! or more hair where none are needed (clue: ear hair, Einstein eyebrows, or free roaming beard hair). Shape via professional or trim judiciously (in the comfort of your home). Some of us refer to it as part of manscaping, I much prefer man-tainance.

It is said, a standard for not showing your age is the lack of wrinkles in your face, translated to liberal use of well blended sunscreen. But, have you considered the condition of your hands? For me, a tell-tale sign of aging and somewhat little regard for the importance of a hand shake as part of a first impression. A manicure maybe in order!

Glean your wardrobe, combine casual comfort and “in season” style. A positive impression can be made, by not looking like a much needed redux from an earlier non-vintage ensemble. In San Francisco, irony is expressed in many ways.

If you feel good, you look great. Do what is needed for you. Remember celebrities and the well-heeled have stylist and assistant’s, many of us do not --so plan ahead and put it together. It will be noticed.

Conundrum

Tis a puzzlement. A grown man, in middle age, who has a history of achievement respective to his career; having multiple love interest throughout his life; a few long term relationships which ended amicably with one maintained as a close friend, now finds himself stepping into the dating world.

First, naively, one doesn't conceive of being unattached again at this age. Second, to participate in the rituals of courtship, referenced and informed by an earlier time, feels arcane. Third, is there a point?

Naive by way of Mr. Wells oft paraphrase “we live alone and we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” Romantic love seems momentary in the larger scheme of one's life, and there are times when the desire for love is based on an illusion. To befriend someone, as lifelong commitment, may or may not materialize.

Dating in the information age, how do you connect? Online dating sites abound, each championing a formula for finding the "perfect" match, while others limit themselves as hook up venues. Social circles are now peopled by married, partnered, co-parenting, or defining loving and committed relationships and have few single friends to whom you can be introduced. Family takes a pass in keeping an eye out for you, since you are no longer in the market, so to speak. What options do you have for meeting others with whom one can find the illusive spark of possibility?

Is there a point? Can one truly be honest with one self to say, you fear the possibility of growing old alone. What does the fear embody?

Age old questions about selves as evolving creatures. One question or an experience can give rise to more questions, not out of uncertainty, mostly a drive to "know."