Conundrum

Tis a puzzlement. A grown man, in middle age, who has a history of achievement respective to his career; having multiple love interest throughout his life; a few long term relationships which ended amicably with one maintained as a close friend, now finds himself stepping into the dating world.

First, naively, one doesn't conceive of being unattached again at this age. Second, to participate in the rituals of courtship, referenced and informed by an earlier time, feels arcane. Third, is there a point?

Naive by way of Mr. Wells oft paraphrase “we live alone and we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone.” Romantic love seems momentary in the larger scheme of one's life, and there are times when the desire for love is based on an illusion. To befriend someone, as lifelong commitment, may or may not materialize.

Dating in the information age, how do you connect? Online dating sites abound, each championing a formula for finding the "perfect" match, while others limit themselves as hook up venues. Social circles are now peopled by married, partnered, co-parenting, or defining loving and committed relationships and have few single friends to whom you can be introduced. Family takes a pass in keeping an eye out for you, since you are no longer in the market, so to speak. What options do you have for meeting others with whom one can find the illusive spark of possibility?

Is there a point? Can one truly be honest with one self to say, you fear the possibility of growing old alone. What does the fear embody?

Age old questions about selves as evolving creatures. One question or an experience can give rise to more questions, not out of uncertainty, mostly a drive to "know."

Context - being single

As the introductory post to the re-booted blog, the salient points of single hood for a middle aged, unattached, achieving and self-propelled among us maybe of interest to the reader.

The day to day of single-dom is unlike how it is conceived by many friends who are partnered, with children, or those responsible for their aging parents or other family members.

Primarily, they envision all the pluses: solitude, social and cultural life peopled by "interesting" habitué, dining and enjoying what the city offers, determined by a time going beyond the mere 24 hour day, and lack of tether. Bound only by how far you wish to exercise a sense of freedom.

The un-single perhaps may not grasp, flying solo also means: meals for one, which by all accounts implies plenty of reheated leftovers or cereal and oatmeal constituting sustenance. Or when waking in the dead of night, from a bad dream, in screaming out, and there is no one there to hear your cry or to shake you back to your senses. Then there are those times, when one is casting about your apartment (puttering) trying to figure out where something is, and no one yelling "you left it at that drawer by the sink." Such are some of the actualities for a single man.

The blog is not to recast notions of what single life is, simply to expand how it is dreamed of.