On the Social Front and Not

On the Social Front and Not

It is Heart Month...
A yellow homeland security alert

January and the start of February has been event-filled
the listing not necessarily in any order

A single man at a dinner party for 8
An unattached diner partaking on bar eats at a neighborhood restaurant
Dress to the nines for a fundraising event at the newly refurbished SF "W" accompanying a dear friend
Online presence in various sites
Hanging out with chums/buddies at a neighborhood pub
Attending a monthly neighborhood art stroll "The murmur"
Stopping by to greet friends at a local temporary contemporary monthly gallery
Watching the 99ers play the Giants for the NFC title awash in Red and Gold dressed fans
Feasting on oysters with the BGF (best girl friend)during the birthday month
Dining in town with friends during Oakland's Restaurant Week
Treasure hunting at the Oakland Museum White Elephant Sale

All the while seeking conversation,
a subtle flirtation, a connection though not necessarily a date,
socializing is the intention

Can living as a single urbanite be any more nuanced or mundane?

Time at home
Laden with activities of daily living:
Housecleaning, clothes washing, grocery shopping,
Weeding through belongings no longer needed,
Hanging art work with help from a friend,
Assembling furniture,
Potting succulents for the expanding dry garden,
Strolling through the Sunday Farmer’s Market and
the nearest Ace Hardware store
Wading through the paper bills for 4 persons
(mother, stepfather, brother and self),
Investigating short term housing options for elderly parents
Catching up on the growing Atlantic Magazine pile
Settling into a routine
after recent move
Preparing for coming days in a month's period
Work travel looming and parents visiting.
Re-grouping to assess if projects
designated for the winter will be realized
Wistfully wondering
will the rains fall and the freeze inducing temperatures return?

Single and the Dating Life: More Tips for the Dating again Set

A (mental) list maker, thought to expand an earlier Dating (again) Tips.

Grooming habits for the man who does not see himself as “metro sexual” (personal hygiene, manscaping or man-tainance); a bath seems to be something men rarely do. Missing out on the restorative value of a bath with Epsom salt (magnesium sulfate), known amongst many as a curative and a relaxant. Being relaxed at a first date is essential. The meeting is already laden with anticipation, unspoken expectations, and a pull to simply have a good time. Why not start out in a calm state. Go for it, draw a warm bath, add Epsom salt, bubbles and bring your rubber ducky –let it be fun.

During the prep phase, consider exfoliating by use of salt scrub, face scrub or mask. Gently get rid of the old skin, you will achieve a natural glow. You will be surprise how black heads and other "face" related concerns can be soothed away. The intention is to feel your best and you will look your best. Secondarily, help yourself maintain a more youthful look.

I do not mean for grooming to be a compulsive habit, but a practice that gives you an added boost of self-confidence. It also marks for you, a date's importance in your social life.

A friend commented after reading an earlier post; speak to "how do you get into the dating pool." For those reticent to simply dive in head first, what can you do after exhausting your friend and family network?

For some, signing on to OKcupid and match dot com are their first inclination, online dating services are just one of a few options for a busy working person.

There are many greet and meet whilst participating in favored activities sponsored by various organizations i.e. scrabble and board game players, tennis and other sports, hiking and walking groups, wine and dine. Give a call, sign up for an activity, and meet new people.

Another is the classic "water dispense/coffee maker" chat among other singles or recently married coworkers. They are not necessarily your friend per se, but they may have ideas on what to do, and where to go meet other singles. Those recalling/ relishing their more recent memories of single-hood may have places that come to mind faster than your roommate.

Something about dating rules, are in order. In the age of post sexual revolution, information age, transitory work/home life, what are good standards to abide by? When both sexes can asks someone out, going Dutch (paying your own way) is a real option, who calls and who plans? It doesn't matter. If the other person does not know you are interested, there will be no next step.

Be first, ask. Let the other person know of your interest in getting to know them etc... If it’s coffee or Happy Hour (HH), no harm done in making a move and getting it started. Can I call you again? I sense anxiety among readers rising, avoiding rejection, temper it with the pluses. You had the courage of your conviction; if the answer is yes, you have an opportunity to explore the infatuation you have held or the spark of interest which caught your attention at the start. As they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained. In our mid-years, no is simply a no. Try not to pile on your baggage.

Before I close, another friend commented on text-ing to ask someone out. She considered it cowardly, though you may not agree; your voice comes across as a human being interested in meeting another person. You may think yourself clever with a one-liner on a device, but its chicken poop.

Stay tuned for another edition of dating (again) tips.

Context - being single

As the introductory post to the re-booted blog, the salient points of single hood for a middle aged, unattached, achieving and self-propelled among us maybe of interest to the reader.

The day to day of single-dom is unlike how it is conceived by many friends who are partnered, with children, or those responsible for their aging parents or other family members.

Primarily, they envision all the pluses: solitude, social and cultural life peopled by "interesting" habitué, dining and enjoying what the city offers, determined by a time going beyond the mere 24 hour day, and lack of tether. Bound only by how far you wish to exercise a sense of freedom.

The un-single perhaps may not grasp, flying solo also means: meals for one, which by all accounts implies plenty of reheated leftovers or cereal and oatmeal constituting sustenance. Or when waking in the dead of night, from a bad dream, in screaming out, and there is no one there to hear your cry or to shake you back to your senses. Then there are those times, when one is casting about your apartment (puttering) trying to figure out where something is, and no one yelling "you left it at that drawer by the sink." Such are some of the actualities for a single man.

The blog is not to recast notions of what single life is, simply to expand how it is dreamed of.