In retrospect, a year's time since September 08, it is/was marked with fast paced change. Not unusual for the likes of uber wired and Oaklandish types.
Pause is necessary to assimilate what has happened, random as it seems, try to find a thread that tie them together and somehow conceive as coherent. This compulsion is driven in part by living real and in the moment.
TIMELINE:
Hurricane Gustav NOLA 2008 Sept
Small Pox OAK 2008 Oct
Obama Inauguration DC 2009 Jan
Attempts at romantically dating seriously OAK 2009 Feb/Mar
Personal Financial AHA OAK 2009 May
Decision to sell OAK 2009 July
List home for sale OAK 2009 Aug
3 weeks away 2009 Aug-Sept (Atlanta, NYC, Utica, Provincetown, Hyannis, Boston)
Home with the Flu "H1N1" possibly OAK 2009 Sept
The before and after are more intriguing, given the buoys lying behind me.
NOLA: Family love and friendship, a move to help a dear and old friend who has seen more trouble than most can bear. A (identity to be maintained anonymous) has survived breast cancer, knee surgery, hysterectomy prior to Katrina. In a period considered to be among the prime of our generative years. She was a College professor in Percussion, witnessing her reach and impact on young inner city aspiring musicians finding themselves in an elite institution was breath taking. She returned to her parent's and ancestral home in search of peace and feelings of comfort. She is the most resilient person I know. She faces adversity with a bring it on attitude, she laughs, continues to create and build community and rebuilt her home with a little help from her wide network of friends and friends yet to be made. Energy drawn from inner reserves and sheer cannot take me down ideals.
POX: As an adult, a challenge to self concept. Faced with a serious potentially disfiguring adversary, having never encountered acne as an adolescent nor as a young adult, I practiced equanimity. Days when sunlight was a burden to bear was a novelty. Sunglasses in my darkened home became a newly affected style. There were personal moments of irrationality. Do I not live a life of service or a Karmic life?
OBAMA: Inauguration, a shared venture with D (da BF), the coldest days of a NY winter, co-discovering qualities that make NY a city it is. Dinner with Bay Area friends, former NewYawkers was convivial and fraught with pooch drama and the subzero temperature. The Chinatown Bus to Wash DC, saved money and a telling experience ON cross cultural perspectives regarding money, customer service, elation of the advent of a changing America. What a thrill to be among the crowds assembled seemingly everywhere. Swearing in ceremony crystallizes a dream made real for immigrants like myself, who could not imagine a time/possibility of a Black man or any man of color being elected Prez.
Romantic Dating Wow. The possibility seductive. An undercurrent in a middle age man calling to wade into the waters. The pull was kept at bay with the realities of great recession fact. The experiences seem to flow easily and naturally. Yet, unnerving and unspoken small personal conflicts come to play and serve as a breaker cutting the flow. A sweet beginning ends in silence and retrenchment.
Fiscal AHA When does one realize, .."cannot keep working something in order to have it." Tell tale signs include lost of full time employment and moved into part time plus independent contracting as default. Parents on fixed income, whose housing is subsidize by a guy trying to be a good son. Unlearning lifestyle habits on a dime (cutting dining and entertainment expenses too nominal). The fast eroding savings, funded mostly by a past equity line of credit paid by "appreciation." Unsustainable two mortgage payment on a P-T plus Independent contracting work. Though living simply and not large, with no credit debt, the recession comes home and plops on the floor. The last straw, a neighbors unit sells with a probate price almost 100k less than my own homes purchase price. Sell and cut your losses.
Action After speaking with friends, lenders, and self, attempts at loan modification, refinancing, within a month signed agreement with T (friend since teen years who also assisted me in purchase) to put condo on the market. Open house to happen while I was away on 3 week joint work and vacation travel. A summer vacation, to refuel and stop running on fumes.
Time Out Crediting myself in knowing how to fund time away, spending what would have been spent at home while working and turning it to a calgon moment. Atlanta as a place to come for work, mercifully the draw of city in the confines of country is not enough. Subjectively, a place to be on your way somewhere else. Claimed as one of the largest cities in the South, city/country are co-existing uncomfortably.
New York, while Manhattan seemed overwhelmingly depressed, except for tourist, is still a place holding much personal fascination. Remembering this is my 2nd trip in a year -- perhaps an unlikely repeat showing in the future. Love the High Line Park. It symbolizes respecting how a place has evolved due to human neglect. Nature seemed to have recreated it, humans followed suit to further enhance. No memorable deal, meals, shows on this outing. The visit reminded me of earlier visits, when walking and taking in what was around was the primary directive.
Utica visit was a surprise jewel. Long time friends, both artist L and D have began to settle into a slower pace of life. Less bustle, more 2 lane roads than highways or expressways, limited "scenista" options though great potential since it is a remarkably "Collegiate" town. Proximity to Adirondacks, an Olmstead designed park needing attention, the pre war big city architecture was all pluses. Worth a second and longer stay.
Provincetown A playground for graying gays (read earlier post). A few trips to browner beach towns are in order prior to returning here for a summer weekend. Though it has not lost all its appeal, it was drawn of creative/spontaneous enjoyment. The Cape as a whole along with Boston, its tone and presentation disappoints.
FLU The annual reminder to rest and if possible reduce contacts with large groups of people is ever present. 4 days into it, feeling more like the person I recognize, realize energy drain, real life stresses are part of the gift of life. Sleep is a great friend when ill, dreams and real life experiences blend, I awake perplexed that having dreamt conversations with friends or witnessing day to day events.
More musings to follow.
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